Ok, this post is going to be a little upsetting. If you're having a bad day, or a little sad, or celebrating something and you don't want to ruin it, don't read this now. Click back on the browser.



My mother was diagnosed with bone cancer, spread from breast cancer last treated three years ago, about two weeks ago. I didn't want to talk about it during the event, because I wanted to escape life for a while, and didn't want to take the edge off anyone's good time, and I knew at least one person would be particularly sensitive to it.

She had one, or perhaps two strokes over the weekend, and she's hospitalized, and the considered opinion is that she isn't going to last very long. This isn't a request for support, though I know I'd get it from you guys.This is more of a warning.

My stepfather has been having dementia issues. My mother downplayed how bad they were. He went missing over the weekend, and my sister had to call the police to go looking for him. They found him, and he is much worse than my mother let on. He is in no position to answer questions about her, or himself.

When the police wanted helpful information about him, to help look for it, we were unable to provide it, because my parents hadn't shared it with us. When I try to figure out what kind of service to do for my mother, I may well be guessing wildly, because she didn't want to talk about it.

This can happen quickly. "Waiting for the right time" to discuss what they want, or where important papers are, or what the actual situation is with someone's health when you suspect they might be sugarcoating it isn't a good thing. I'm going to be scrambling to deal with finding a good place for my stepfather, and trying to find all the paperwork involved with the estate, and a myriad other things that would be much easier, if only we had discussed this frankly a year ago. Worse, power of attorney isn't in place, so it may involve a ton of hoops to even pay the bills at the house next month.

My only consolation in this entire mess is that I called her Friday before going to the event and told her I love her, and I'd do whatever she needed me to do. My last words to my father (in 1990) were "so long, I'll see you tomorrow."

Please, if you think something like this has a snowball's chance in hell of happening, din't wait to have the practical conversations you really MUST have. There are questions I have now that there may be nobody I can reliably ask.

This is a maudlin post. I am very sorry, and I trust the board monitors will remove it if it's inappropriate. I feel strongly about saying it, but I'm also overtired and my judgement may be quite off.

You have all my sympathies, and I'm glad we could give you a respite for a weekend. I have every confidence that every person here will be keeping you and your family in their thoughts, hearts, and prayers.

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-Josh Marcus
Head of Plot, FI 3

Take care, friend.